DAY 3 - Food: I WANT it (250-252-220)

250-252-220... two days ago, I was 250 (my starting point).  Today, I'm 252.  My goal is 220.  As you may see, I'm going the wrong direction!  The numbers don't lie.  Can you guess what has happened?  In the past two days of this Labor Day weekend, I've had an over-exposure to three things:  refrigerator light, hours of playing Battlefield 3, and going out to dinner & the movies.  Of course, a weight gain of 2 pounds in a short period of time is a lot more complicated than that.  The bottom line, though, is I've opened my mouth and stuffed it with chips, sweets, popcorn, soda, McDonalds, and lots of it.  That's the way it goes....

Addiction (I use the term loosely... go here for proper definition)....  I was on methadone for a good 3-4 months for pain control prior to having back surgery.  Once I knew that I was going to have the surgery needed to correct my problem, I began to wean myself off of the drug.  But, I moved too fast.  While at work, I began to feel like I had the worst case of the stomach flu with chills, and extreme nausea.  At a certain point, a lightbulb went on and I wondered if I was going through withdrawal.  So I took a normal dose of my medicine, and all my symptoms went away.  Something had control over me, and it was frightening.

Over the next few weeks, I slowly whittled down my meager 30 mg per day dose to 5 mg per day--a single tablet, which I carried in my change pocket of my jeans.  I would get an intense overwhelming desire to take the drug, and when that happened, I pulled out my little 5 mg pill, and I would take just a nibble of it.  I immediately felt a little bit of gratification.  That intense desire to want something--I can teach you what that feels like.  If you were to hold your breath for as long as you could without passing out, you will get to the point that your brain tells you IT'S TIME TO TAKE A BREATH!  Now!  That intense desire is overwhelming.  

That's how I felt with methadone.  And, to a smaller extent, that's how I feel with food.  Especially certain foods.  Some foods are what I call "Appetite Stimulators (AS)," or trigger foods.  You know what I mean.  There are certain foods I crave, and often, I can pass them up.  But, if I eat one, -- BAM! -- now, I'm  eating the whole kit and caboodle.  Broccoli is not an AS.  Brownies are a 10 (1-10 scale, where 10 equals the strongest AS).

Pizza, chicken wings, sugar/sweets, chips, fast food, soda, etc.  Lots of it.  Intense craving for it.  How do you control that bodily driven intense desire to breath, to eat the wrong foods?  How do I avoid being a slave to my appetite?  

TOOLS:  I think, for me, it boils down to several things:

1. Knowing a healthy way of eating, and exercising.  And what you eat is 80-90% of the solution.
2. Having something outside yourself to motivate you in the longterm to stick to your healthy program.  Some call it accountability.

In my next post, I'll outline what principles of eating, and what level of exercise I would like to commit to--my tools / plan.  This is easy, for I have experimented for years to find what works best for me.    Later, I'll write about sabotage, land mines, and the things that have foiled my efforts, and how I plan to deal with those.  I hope to keep future posts shorter than this one!


One egg:

DAY 1 - Intro - Me versus My Appetite

This blog is about me versus my appetite. You see, I know what it takes to be fit, to eat right, the exercise that's required.... I one time heard a surgeon explain that we're all like sail boats, and doing everything right is like sitting at the controls to get to where we want to be. When we abandon our post, we will naturally drift off course.

You know what?  It takes effort to sit at the controls, and since my early 30's, I've bounced between from the controls, to the galley (where the food is), and have managed to slowly go from 190 to 250 pounds.  My attitude toward food, and I suspect this is a human thing--control yourself versus enjoy yourself, has been quite fickle.  A quick google search on google defines fickle: "changing frequently, especially as regards one's loyalties, interests, or affection."

That certainly describes the relationship between me (and what I want to be) and my appetite.

And so, here I am, with lots to say about this.  And yet, I want my posts to be brief.  So, I'll leave it here:  I'm 250 pounds today, largely because I'm fickle when it comes to who I want to be (The Captain of my Ship, at the controls) and my appetite.  Hence, the name of this blog, 250 Fickle.  The purpose of this blog is to help me put my journey into words and help me master and train my appetite.  The result will be a more fit, healthy me.  I'm looking for lifestyle change.

In my next post, I'll talk a little about my piddly experience with addiction, and how it relates to food.  It's just like breathing....  You'll understand.  Later, I'll talk about the tools I'll use to help me get down to 220 pounds (just a start?).  I bid you adieu.